Jayfeather gets all the Girls
by Mournful Snowleaf
Summary: A human teenage Jayfeather gets a few visits from a bunch of giggly females trying to impress him. Rated T cause Typholius doesn't know just how bad it might get. First ever human warrior cat story and don't know if I should actually go through with it.
1. Willowshine

**This is only a taste. Review for more. It's short but sweet and will be part of a fun series if it receives good feedback.  
**

Jayfeather lay in bed fiddling with one of the black knights from his favorite chess set while he listened to some alternative rock from his ipod which was plugged into his speakers. It had been another disappointing day at school- he had gotten ketchup all over his favorite T-shirt. 'My Brother is an Iguana' was written across the front. It was actually his sister, Hollyleaf's old shirt, but since they were the same size they shared some of the older shirts. Their mother, Squiirelflight could barley afford feeding and clothing the three siblings, and insisted they share shirts to save money. Lionblaze got all his own stuff, however, because he was so much bigger than his brother and sister.

Jayfeather placed the little chess piece on the dresser at the side of his bed and punched his pillow into a more comfortable shape. _If I had been wearing my hoodie like I normally do, my shirt wouldn't have been ruined,_ he thought angrily. But summer was here and the school cafeteria didn't have any air conditioning- and he hated being too hot and smelling awful.

"Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place? Like somehow you just don't belong, and no-one understands you," Jayfeather sang to the song that was playing, the catchy lyrics buzzing in his head. Tomorrow was a big science test for 's class so he needed to get some rest.

"Hey sweetie, how you doing?"

Jayfeather's head shot up from his bed, his wavy black hair with a dyed gray stripe falling over his eyes so he had to brush it away with a quick flick of his hand. "Willowshine? What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?!"

The lean teenage girl's long hair covered up her shoulders and the top of her baggy white shirt so he couldn't read the words on the front. She was also wearing gray sweatpants with no pockets. "Oh nothing, just thought I'd come and give the coolest little B-student a visit," she cooed with sickly sweetness. "You mind if I hang out with you for a bit?"

Jayfeather eyed the girl with disgust as she stepped into his room and closed the door behind her. "I'd rather hang out with a moldy peanut-butter sandwich."

Without warning, Willowshine pounced, bolting across the room and leaping onto the bed with all fours. She landed on top of Jayfeather's chest, smothering him deeper into his own plush sheets. "I just want to hang out," she giggled, her girl parts dangerously close to his face.

"The hell are you doing," he growled, trying to shove her away, but she was almost as heavy as he was and she seemed set on staying. "How did you even get into my house?!"

"Forget about all that," Willowshine breathed, one hand reaching out and gently caressing his cheek. "You always seem so grumpy so I came to cheer you up."

He shivered at her warm touch. "What are you-"

Her hand suddenly migrated down to his chest- she was trying to take his shirt off! Instinctively, he thrust his knee upwards, catching her in the stomach, and she fell off the bed with a pained grunt.

"Ow! How dare you, Jayfeather, I was just trying to make you happy!" Willowshine snorted, recovering and standing up. "You really are nothing but a lame grump. I'm leaving!"

Jayfeather sat up in his bed, grabbing the blanket and pulling it over him in case she tried to attack again. He narrowed his eyes and growled at at her, "make sure the door hits you on the way out!"

 **As an asexual male myself, I don't quite understand how the whole girlxboy thing works in a relationship. PM me your own experiences if you have had any and I will try to incorporate them into the story anonymously... if you are brave enough lul.**

 **Also, I'm open to suggestions on who you want the next she-cat to be and the level of sauciness.**


	2. Briarlight

**This type of writing is wildly outside of my comfort zone but I'm finding it to be surprisingly enjoyable. I know there are a lot of really gross fanfics out there, and I promise this one won't get disgusting like that. This is meant to be humorous.  
**

 **And thank you**

After such a terrifying experience, Jayfeather didn't think he would be able to get to sleep now, so instead, he threw off the sheets from his bed revealing his oversized Lionblaze-sized spotted pajamas and his tiny toes barely peaking out the end. "I hope I _never_ see that crazy girl again." He gracefully slid off the bed, his ipod still buzzing away.

 _It's too late to 'pologize. It's too laaaaate!_

He walked over to his clothes cabinet on the other side of the room, careful not to stub his toe on the haphazardly stacked pile of books at the foot of the cabinet. He would have put the books on top had he not been keeping his art project for Spottedleaf's class there. Too him, it looked like just a jumble of gray and white, but he was colorblind. He only knew what most of the colors were when he read the names on the markers.

He looked up into the mirror that hung above the cabinet and pulled out a comb from one of the drawers. He wasn't sure why he grew his hair out so long, it was a pain to manage. Maybe it was because he was defiant and knew his mother hated it. He grinned cheekily, stroking the teeth of the comb over the gray stripe so it was lined up properly.

 _knock knock._

"Who is it?" he called casually, not looking away from the mirror. "As long as it's not my mom or my sister, you can come in."

The door creaked open slowly behind him, but he still didn't turn around- a couple strands of gray were still out of place.

"... um, hi Jayfeather."

He froze. That definitely wasn't Lionblaze's voice as he was expecting. _The actual f-_ "Briarlight?!" He turned around slowly, praying he had just been imagining the voice of the girl from school.

But to his dismay, it _was_ Briarlight, crutches and all. The freshmen had broken her leg a month ago after falling out of a tree. She wore a gray t-shirt and jeans with one leg wrapped up in a cast. Her hair was barely longer than his and formed a neat helmet around her head.

"Hi, Jayfeather, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

Just interrupting my _privacy,_ this is _my_ room after all," he growled, putting the comb away. Of all the girls in school, he had found Briarlight the most tolerable, but that didn't mean he wanted to see her when he wanted to be alone.

"You did say I could come in," the girl pointed out nervously, hobbling over to the bed and flopping down. "Sorry, I just needed a place to crash since I locked myself out of my apartment and my roommate won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. I hope you don't mind."

Jayfeather narrowed his eyes. He really had thought the teen still lived with her parents. "Fine I guess, but why did you pick my room or all places? Why not stay with Lionblaze or Hollyleaf- or just call your parents? They would know what to d-"

"Shushushush, just pretend I'm not here," Briarlight purred sweetly. "Do whatever it is Jayfeather does."

Jayfeather shrugged. At least she was quiet. He walked over to the other side of the room where his desk and computer were and sat down. Maybe he could finish that fanfiction he was working on about bears from the Seekers Series. But it wasn't long after he sat down when he felt two firm hands grip his shoulders.

"Don't be alarmed, I'm just giving you a massage," Briarlight said gently. "For someone so young, you have some serious tension in your back."

"It's because I'm stressed out all the time," Jayfeather confessed. He would have protested had Briarlight not been so startlingly good at massaging. She had been a member of the volleyball team before her accident, so it wasn't surprising that she was strong. "Ooh, you are really good. When did you start doing this?"

Briarlight chuckled. "For a long time now. I started when I was very young, but I like to keep it a secret for only those people I care about."

Jayfeather grunted, not paying attention for a moment as he logged in. He didn't use a password because everybody in the family knew they would be dead if he caught them snooping around his precious laptop.

He was greeted by a scene of rocks and sticks which he kept as his desktop. It wasn't much, but he found it aesthetically pleasing to look at after a long day of school.

"What's your favorite color?"

He blinked. "Why do you ask?"

"Just curious."

"Gray."

"Ha, I should have expected that. Favorite animal?"

"Leopard gecko."

"Favorite food?"

"Anything as long as it isn't Squirrelflight's cooking."

"Ha, ok. How much do you weigh?"

He stiffened, his bookmarked fanfiction icon a click away. "Isn't that a little bit too personal?"

"I'll tell you how much _I_ weigh if you tell me first," Briarlight responded casually. "I just want to know if I could bench you."

"The hell? No way! 139 pounds! Why are you acting so weird today, Briarlight? I've never seen you act so odd in school before."

"I weigh 136. I've gained 10 pounds since my accident, but my fitness instructor has gotten me into weight lifting since I can't run anymore. I just want to know as much about you as possible so I'm prepared when I ask you out."

"Damnit Briarlight, not you too! Why does every girl have to act so stupid around me." He stood up. "Get out. You are no longer welcome in my room. Shoo before I sic Lionblaze on you! And don't forget your crutches!"

 **It is meant to be silly. Thanks for reading and even more thanks if you review. Honestly, I like reviews more than favorites or follows, so if you can spend the extra 20 seconds, that would be great for support.**


	3. Dawnpelt

**This is totally filler. The next real chapter will be coming out very soon, but I felt like I needed this to be here.**

 _I will not bow! I will not break! I will shut the world awaaay!  
_

Jayfeather stood up, walked over to his bedside dresser, and tapped the button on the top of the speakers silencing the music. The curtains were pulled shut so he couldn't tell if it was light outside yet, but it had to be early in the morning by now.

 _Knock knock!_

"Who the hell is it!" he snarled, spinning around so he faced the door. If another goddamn girl walked in he was going to tackle her.

"It's Dawnpelt. I just wanted to know if you were busy-"

"No! Go away damnit!"


	4. Hollyleaf

**WARNING, I totally crossed the line on this chapter and made it T rated. Suggested nudity and actual nudity lul, but I'm not going into detail so I think it is alright.**

Jayfeather took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly trying to steady his racing heart. It was proving to be a very odd and frustrating night. _This must be part of someone's stupid dare or a prank,_ he thought angrily to himself imagining Breezepelt of Berrynose snickering somewhere at what they had done to him. Tomorrow he would get to the bottom of it, but right now he needed to take a shower so he could stop thinking about girls.

There was only one shower in the house so he grabbed his towel off the hook on the door and made his way out of the room and down the hall. It was a simple house- one story, four bedrooms, two bathrooms- only one of which had a shower, and a shabby kitchen that only had half the appliances normally found in a kitchen. It wasn't much of a house, but it was home.

He reached the bathroom door and nudged it open with his foot. He flicked on the lights and the fan switch that sucked in the steam so the fire alarm wouldn't go off while the hot water was running. For such a small house, they had a relatively nice bathroom- this one at least- the other one wasn't much more than a closet with a toilet in it. The floor was covered in glossy white tiles and the ceramic sink always sparkled as if it had just been cleaned- which it usually was since Hollyleaf was a clean-freak.

The shower on the far side of the room was a large cube-shaped stall with a misted-glass sliding door to offer some privacy. There wasn't a bath in the building so if he or any of his siblings were in the mood for that, they would have to visit aunt Leafpool.

Jayfeather put his towel on the hook beside the shower door and retrieved his soap and shampoo from the cabinet behind the mirror. Once the shower was running, he took his clothes off and stood in front of the mirror while he waited for the water to get hot.

 _I'm still not much to look at,_ he thought gloomily to himself as he examined his own physique. He was skinny with pale skin and taught ropy muscles. He didn't have a six-pack like his brother Lionblaze did, but he didn't exercise as much so he didn't ever expect to have one. He did however have a fine crease that ran down the middle of his abdomen where a six-pack would have been, but every skinny kid had that.

He shivered slightly, his bare feet on the cold floor. As he stared into his own reflection, he couldn't help but feel a little envy. His brother was popular, fit, and tall, while _he_ was short, thin, and color-blind. It must feel good being liked by everybody- and to be able to see color. To Jayfeather, his eyes were gray, his shirt was gray, the shampoo bottle was gray...

Steam was starting to billow out of the shower which meant the water was hot enough so he shoved the depressing thoughts out of his head. He may not be as big or as popular as his brother, but damn was he smarter. The only person in the school who came close to matching his grades was his sister, Hollyleaf. He grabbed his soap and shampoo and stepped into the shower and slid the door shut.

The hot water felt great on his skin after standing in the cold bathroom, and he enjoyed a moment of just the warmth before starting to clean himself. He sighed happily but he knew the hot water would only last so long so he started with his arms and neck- caressing the bar of soap against his thin figure until his whole upper body was lathered. He then proceeded to sit down so he could wash his slim legs and feet. He was pale where the sunlight occasionally touched his skin, but he was as white as the bar of soap he held in places where his clothes normally covered him up.

There was a sudden bang on the bathroom door which startled him so much the soap went flying into the air. Somebody was trying to get in! "Who is it? I'm taking a shower in here, go away!"

"It's just me, Hollyleaf," his sister replied, her voice muffled as she stood on the other side of the door. "I just need to-" there was a click as the bathroom door unlocked. "-take a shower."

Jayfeather stood up, unable to believe his eyes as he watched her distorted image through the misted glass of the shower sliding door. "Get the hell out of my bathroom Hollyleaf!"

"Jesus, man, don't you shout at me!" His sister shut the door behind her and he could hear her rummaging through the shelves behind the mirror looking for her shampoo and stuff. "I wouldn't normally do this, but I have to get to school super early for a project I have due with Mr. Goosefeather."

"The fu- what do you mean, Goosefeather? That's just the crazy old janitor!"

"Forget it, just let me in, the floor is freezing!"

Jayfeather grabbed hold of the sliding door. "You are naked!"

"Of course I'm naked," she growled back. "I'm not taking a shower with all my clothes on! Jayfeather- let me in damn it, the shower is plenty big for the both of us!"

His hands were still covered with soap so even though he held on to the handle as if his life depended on it, he could feel it slowly slipping away.

After a moment's struggle, he gave up and the door flew open. He quickly diverted his gaze to the floor as his sister stepped in beside him, painfully aware at how much skin was showing and how developed her body was.

"Dude, you don't need to freak out so much," she told him, ruffling his hair. "We both know what it all looks like. Grow a pair, Jayfeather, and get over it."

He gritted his teeth, still refusing to face her. "Just take your shower and get out. I don't even care anymore."

That's the spirit! I won't be long, don't worry."

He didn't respond. The steamy air became filled with the scent of her fruity shampoo and he flinched as she flicked her hair and some of it splatted against his back. "Do you mind?"

"Mind what? There's plenty of room-" she stopped, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Stop acting like this is wrong, people all over the world live most of their lives without any clothes and it is socially acceptable. Plus we are siblings so it's not like I'm going to be into you or anything. That would be screwed up even for a nightmare."

He sighed, letting her spin him around so he faced her. "I guess it isn't _too_ bad when you say it like that. But I can still only look you in the eyes right now."

Hollyleaf laughed her high-pitched cheeky laugh. "I knew you would come around. I'm already done with my hair- which is the only thing I needed to wash- so I'm leaving now. But not before-" She pulled him close and hugged him tight to her chest.

He stiffened, her wet body pressed up against his, but she quickly let go and picked up her shampoo off the shower floor.

"See you around, brother. Shower well!"

 **Please don't hate me for this chapter, you don't understand how much I was laughing(maniacally) while I wrote this.**


	5. Poppyfrost

**I think the climax of the story was the last chapter. It probably won't get any worse than that. Also, I think there will only be one more chapter after this one, which I already have planned out. I never expected to make too much out of the story, but it was a blast to write.  
**

Jayfeather stepped out of the shower and fumbled blindly for his towel. There was soap in his eyes and it hurt like a son of a biscuit. _First world problems are the best,_ he thought as he dried himself off and wrapped the towel around his waist. After his shampoo and conditioner were back in the cabinet, he hobbled out of the bathroom and back down the hallway to his room.

After he was safely inside his room with the door closed, and checked that there were no _girls_ lurking nearby, he let the towel drop to the floor and rummaged quickly through his drawers for some clean clothes. His bare rump was cold now that he was out of the hot shower.

He put on fresh underwear, sweatpants, and a gray shirt that read 'Make Like a Baby and HEAD OUT!.' It wasn't his favorite shirt, but until Squirrelflight did another load of laundry, it was all he had left.

It was stuffy in his room, and the lingering scent of girl perfume didn't make it any better. He walked over to his window and yanked on the string that pulled the shades up, and hissed and squinted as the sunlight scorched his corneas.

"Damn it's bright out, and I thought it was early in the morning. Oh wait, that's just a street lamp shining in my room. Since when has that been there?" He opened the window to let some fresh air in, and instantly an icy breeze swished past him, ruffling the posters of rocks and leopard geckos he had all over his walls.

There was snow on the ground and the leafless trees had icicles dangling from their branches. _What the hell? The last time I checked, it wasn't even close to winter_. Their driveway was blocked off by huge pillowy mounds of snow- it didn't look like he would be going to school at all in the near future. _I don't get it. Did a volcano erupt and blot out the sun or something to cause an_ ice _age?_

He stood there by the window, marveling at the early winter, the cold wind stinging his cheeks, but it was refreshing. He could even see the footprints Hollyleaf must have made as she trudged through the snow leading off down the street in the direction of their school. And what was that sticking out of the snow? It looked like somebody had dropped their jacket.

He braced his palms on the window sill and leaned out farther to get a better look, the icy cold cutting into his hands. "Oh my God, that isn't a jacket, that's a person! Somebody is just lying there!"

He quickly bolted to the door, ran down the hallway, and practically flew down the stairs to the front door. He jammed on his winter boots which were conveniently laying nearby and snatched a thick jacket off a peg by the door so fiercely that he was sure he had pulled the peg clean off. He yanked the front door open and threw himself out into the snow.

He waded as quickly as he could through the white, he was up to his hips in snow, until he reached the spot where he had seen the jacket in the snow. Sure enough, as he peered down, he instantly knew something was wrong. It was a girl, face down, her midsection lying in a puddle of icy slush, and her hair sprawled out around her. He spotted some dark splotches in the snow and ice and realized it had to be blood. "Ma'am, are you alright?"

There was no response.

Jayfeather gritted his teeth in apprehension and tried to remember everything he had learned in his first-aid class with professor Spottedleaf. _Vital signs, vital signs, need to check vital signs._ He knelt down beside the body. _Pulse, breathing, temperature._ But he also didn't know if the girl had fallen and injured her back, because if so, moving her would be dangerous. He fumbled in his pockets for his cellphone to call 911, suddenly realizing he should have done that before he left the building, but his phone wasn't there.

"I'm just going to roll you over so I can get your vitals."

Still no response.

Jayfeather could feel his hair which was still wet from the shower begin to freeze on his head. There wasn't time to think of another option, so he grabbed hold of the girl's coat and pulled her up out of the snow and turned her over until she was face up. "Poppyfrost!" He recognized her immediately as one of the senior students in his school, even with the large bloody gash laced across her forehead dripping darkly over her closed eyes.

Jayfeather grabbed the girl's hand and rolled up her coat sleeves to check her pulse.

It was there.

That was all he was going to check now because her skin was deathly cold and her entire jacket was drenched with the icy water. He knew she could get hypothermia out here if he didn't get her someplace warm soon. He reached under her waist and chest with his arms and, staggering slightly, lifted her out of the snow. Her body was completely limp in his grasp and for a moment he was afraid she would slide right out of her jacket and back into the snow. But he tightened his hold and slowly, half dragged, half carried her back through the ice towards the house.

It wasn't easy, her soaked clothing increasing her weight, but eventually they reached the front door which he had left open, and he carried her inside. _She is still freezing. I need to warm her up._ The first idea was to take her to the shower, but he remembered that hot water could damage her frozen extremities and put her body into shock. Instead, he carried Poppyfrost over to the stairs and prepared to bring her up to his room.

He quickly realized the stairway was too narrow so he re-positioned himself so he was behind her and holding her around the chest. He slowly backed his way up the stairs, her feet banging against every step and almost tripping him, but eventually they were at the top of the stairs and he carried her safely into his room.

He gently placed her on the bed and quickly found the heaviest blanket he could from his closet. _But her clothes are soaking wet. If she stays in them, it will take forever to heat her up._ He knew what he had to do, even if the thought made his skin crawl. _Damn, if anybody were to learn of what is about to happen, they'd think it was just a cheesy fanfiction story._ But this wasn't a cheesy fanfiction story, this was real, and Poppyfrost's life was in danger, so he took a deep breath and began to undress he unconscious girl lying on his bed.

It took a while, he wasn't used to undressing other people, but eventually he had stripped Poppyfrost to the bare minimum and tossed the rest of the wet clothing onto the ground. Then he quickly tossed the thick blanket over her shivering body. The gash on her forehead had stopped bleeding already so he figured he didn't have to tend to that right away.

" _so... cold..."_

Jayfeather breathed a sigh of relief as the tiny words slipped out of the girl's mouth. Maybe that meant she was going to be fine. He gently moved her into a more appropriate position on the bed so her head was propped up against his pillows. Her face was still very pale, but after a few tense moment, her eyelids flickered and suddenly flew open.

" _Jayfeather?"_ she croaked, spotting him standing by the bed. " _Wha-_ what's going on? Where am I and- my head hurts."

"You slipped on the ice outside my house and I found you lying unconscious in the snow. I brought you inside so you wouldn't freeze to death."

Poppyfrost blinked, her gaze never leaving his. "Really? You are so strong an brave."

"And you are still delusional," he replied, grabbing another blanket and throwing it over her. "Hold still, I'm going to go call 911."

But a pale hand shot out from beneath the covers and grabbed his arm. "No! Stay with me!"

Jayfeather froze, suspicion suddenly creeping into his veins. "Okay,, I'll stay," he said, kneeling down beside the bed. "But can you at least tell me what you were doing outside my house?"

Her bright eyes seemed to flash and she squirmed under the covers. "I was coming to see _you_ , of course," she whispered sweetly. "Don't you remember asking me to help you with your studies? Though I don't know where all my folders went, I had them with me when I left my house."

"Sorry," Jayfeather said apologetically. "They must still be out in the snow. I can fetch them if you want."

But Poppyfrost shook her head. "No that's fine. If you get under the covers I can still teach you a lesson in biology."

Jayfeather's eyes grew wide in understanding. "GOD DAMN IT!"

"What's wrong did I say somethi-"

He stood up in fury, breaking free from the grasp she still had around his arm. He scooped her up out of the bed, blankets and all, and threw her over his shoulder.

"Wow, you really- oof- are strong."

But he wasn't listening. He carried her out the door and down the hallway to Hollyleaf's room. Practically kicking the door open, he heaved her inside and threw her onto his sister's neatly made bed sheets. "Hollyleaf won't be back for a while," he growled, anger bubbling forth from his mouth like hot lava erupting from a volcano. He was so done with all of this crap. "Make yourself comfortable."

"But Jayboo I-"

But he was already stomping back out of the room and he slammed the door behind him as hard as he could.

 **Whaoh, what an odd chapter... I hope it wasn't too boring to read. Leave a comment!**


	6. All of Them

**So this is the last chapter to this OTT story. Honestly I could keep writing chapter after chapter for this because it is so fun, but I really want to focus on my serious stories more. Hope you enjoy it and don't forget to leave a review on your way out- I love those.**

Jayfeather took a deep breath, his heart still pounding as he lay sprawled on his back on top of his bed. He stared blankly up at his gray ceiling, Poppyfrost's loud complaining still audible from Hollyleaf's room. He was glad that was taken care of. She could die of frostbite at this point and he didn't care. _Is it possible to die from frostbite?_ He shook his head dismissively, his black messy hair swishing. "Not my problem anymore. Let Hollyleaf deal with her when she gets back from her date with Goosefeather or whatever."

He stood up and paced around the center of his room, doing his best to ignore the girlish sounds as he tried to figure out what he would do next. He contemplated just giving up on the day and blaring his music to drown out his troubles. But for some reason that didn't feel right. Something was fundamentally wrong with his situation right now and he felt suffocated in his own room which still reeked of perfume.

So he decided he would take a walk outside. He glanced out the window and was shocked to see the bright greens of the young oak tree that grew beside the house. Where had all the snow gone? Not believing his eyes, he tugged on the latch holding the window closed and let the whole thing swing open. Sure enough, he was met by a warm summer breeze filled with the smells of pine sap and loose dirt.

Poppyfrost's voice drifted through the walls. "Jayfeather, come back! I promise I just want to help you with your school studies."

 _Nope!_ He made up his mind. He took his winter jacket off and threw it into the corner. He was out of the room and down the stairs faster than you could say 'girls suck.' He figured the rest of the family was out since he realized he hadn't seen any of them other than Hollyleaf all day. Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight had to both be at work and Lionblaze was probably at the gym.

He stepped outside, marveling at the clear sky. What was the date today? He couldn't remember what day of the week it was let along the season. But he didn't care, he was just happy top be outside.

He walked down the quiet street, thinking he would stop by the gas station for a soda to soothe his frayed nerves. Today had been awful- damn awful, and he was good friends with Flametail who worked there and let him put stuff on Squirrelflight's tab. The day couldn't possibly get any worse.

"There he is!"

He spun around. "No way..." Twenty feet away from him down the street was a cluster of dozens of girls ladies and women facing him. Every single one of them had the same shirt on that had 'Jay is Bae' written across the front in darker letters. "Oh hell no this isn't happening," he moaned, taking a step back. He recognized all of the females as folks who lived in the neighborhood: Spottedleaf, Kinkfur, Bluefur, Ivytail, Ivypool, Minnowtail- too many girls for him to count.

"I love you, Jayfeather!"

"Be my husband, Jayfeather!"

"I want to eat you!"

"Let me ride on your shoulders!"

"Give me children!"

Jayfeather took another step back. "Leave me alone!" he shouted furiously, reaching instinctively to his pants pocket. "Go home and nobody has to get hurt!"

But the army of girls didn't back down. Instead, they charged him with a collective scream.

Jayfeather pulled his Louie slugger baseball bat out of his pocket. As soon as the first girl was within range, he swung with all his might. _Crack!_ "F**k you!" he spat. Then he swung again as another feminine creature reached him. _Crack!_ "F**k you too!"

He swung away as fast as he could. _Crack! Crack! Crack!_ But they were too many and after a while there wasn't enough room to swing the bat. They grabbed hold of him from all sides- grabbing his arms, his shirt, anything they could reach. The air was ringing with their giggles as he thrashed and twisted trying to free himself, but it was hopeless.

"Take his clothes off!"

Jayfeather struggled helplessly as he felt dozens of slender hands tugging on his shirt. "Leave me alone!"

"Jayfeather wake up!"

He opened his eyes and looked around frantically. He was safely back at his desk in Yellowfang's immensely boring geometry class.

"You were daydreaming again," whispered Kestrelflight's voice from the desk beside his. They always sat at the back of the classroom. "And the bell is about to ring so get your crap together."

"Thanks for waking me up," Jayfeather said, sitting up straight and squinting at the chalkboard at the other side of the room where a bunch of scribbles and symbols were written down. He hated math and he hated fat old Yellowfang. "Can I copy your notes?"

The other boy let out a small snort of laughter. "Of course, it's routine at this point. Were you having that nightmare again? I heard you mumbling in your sleep."

Jayfeather nodded, wiping off what looked like drool from his textbook where he had face-planted. "And it had the same horrible ending."

The bell rang, interrupting Kestrelflight with his mouth open before he could speak.

"Let's get out of here," Jayfeather cheered, grabbing his pencils and textbook and cramming them into his backpack.

"You can say that again," laughed Kestrelflight, already standing up. "I'm just glad geometry is the last class of the day so it feels like a reward when its over- we can finally go home!"

Jayfeather stood up and followed, grunting in agreement. Kestrelflgiht was taller than he was with a slender build and short pale hair. Jayfeather couldn't help but sigh, listening to the other boys smooth rich voice. Jayfeather didn't understand girls, and this seemed to make much more sense.

 **The last chapter... why did I make this story...**


End file.
